"I Will Survive"...I suppose...

This is really wearing on me and I do not like how it feels. I'm exhausted. I am drained. I feel like I have nothing left to give of myself. When I get home from work Emma heads to her room to put things away, take her shoes off etc. Cody is usually happy so he sits in his carseat while I make a mad dash into the kitchen to get dinner started. I'm literally running around like a fool to get everything going while Cody is content. Cody never really gets unhappy, but I'd just assume not find out what that looks/sounds like. If I'm lucky I get to pee and change clothes before 7PM. That is usually when I get to sit down for the first time.

I never get to eat while the food is hot. Cody is out of his carseat by the time dinner is done so I serve up Emma's plate and she eats while I'm feeding the baby. I've gotten to where I eat my lunch at work later in the day so I'm not starving until late at night when I get to eat finally.

I hate being away from my husband. PERIOD. It sucks. It hurts. And I'm OVER IT. But there's nothing to do or say. It is what it is and at this point I'm done talking about "one day". I'm glad that I can keep everything together on the home front but like I said, I'm wearing very thin. All I do from 6AM-11PM is run. I run around the house cooking, then cleaning up dinner, folding and putting away laundry, getting clothes laid out and children bathed. I feel like I'm running a never-ending race. I'm too tired to think of another word besides "exhausted."

Emma ALWAYS has something going on at school so I usually have projects to keep up with and outfits to keep clean so she can wear them on the designated days. We're also playing kickball and in dance class. We have practice one day a week, a game a week and dance every Thursday evening. I'm exhausted just from typing it out.

I want to do more at work. I want to do a better job. There are projects I could be working on from home, but can't. There is no time. I have no time for me. This is really wearing on me and I do not like how it feels. I'm exhausted. I am drained.