The Honeymoon is Over?

Today has been horrible. At about 4:30AM I hear Emma calling for me in the hallway. She sounded disoriented and pathetic calling "Mama?" She had thrown up. A LOT. She sat in her bean bag chair while I stripped her bed, cleaned up everywhere else and got her into clean pajamas and re-did her bed. About the time I was telling her goodnight, Cody woke up. That was fine, he had been asleep for 5 hours!

While I'm feeding Cody in the living room I hear Emma whimpering- she had thrown up again. All over her bed, etc. Again. I had just started feeding Cody so I had to wake up David to help. He hates to see Emma feeling badly and was so patient with her. He walked her to the bathroom and reminded her how to kneel in front of the potty in case she needed to get sick again. Which she did. While he re-stripped her bed, Emma came to the living room and layed on the couch. Her color looked terrible and I could tell she still felt badly. David started laundry since we wer down to her last set of clean sheets and her comforter, bedskirt, pillow shams etc. were now dirty. He put sheets on her bed and then came to the living room to keep an eye on her for a while. Eventually she wanted to go back to bed and we put a trashcan next to her just in case. She ended up getting sick again during the night and then again about mid-day. I forgot to mention that during the night when I was helping with Emma, that I stubbed my toe on a packing tape dispenser- the serrated, metal part, nice! Earlier in the week I dropped my cupcake baking pan on my big toe- I could barely walk for a whole day!

Anyway-

Cody went back to sleep pretty much right away and slept for four hours, until 9AM. I got up to feed him and Emma was starting to wake up. I got Cody back to sleep and got Emma settled with cartoons and sips of water. Today I had to work. It's the beginning of the month so I have to get all of our client invoices out. Since I was hardly able to work this week since David has been working I really had to go in to get caught up. I jumped into the shower, pumped and got the next bottle ready for David and left for work just before 11AM.

Work was insane. I stayed until 4:30 and never once left my desk to pee, eat, make a phone call etc! I'm exhausted and completely fried. We have so much going on, David is still on nights and I'm 100% overwhelmed. I'll admit it- I ran the numbers to see if we could make a change in my employment status. There's no way. Even though Cody's daycare tuition will be more than our rent and with his and Emma's tuition combined would equal a very nice mortgage payment- the sum of the two is only about 40% of my monthy salary. Obviously we have uses for the other 60% of my income. Damn!

I've never, ever wanted to be a stay at home Mom. Mainly because I don't think I could handle it. I'm not very patient, enjoy a change of scenery and am in no way a teacher by nature. However, I have learned over the last five weeks that being a SAHM can keep you busier than ever! The first couple of weeks while Cody was exclusively breastfeeding were very demanding. Even now, it's all I can do to eat more than once a day. I take turns going to the bathroom, showering, eating, resting, working and housework during the times that Cody is sleeping. It has been so challenging to focus on Emma as well. On David's days off I've been able to spend some time at her school and be involved with what she has going on. We have another two and a half months of dance classes and kickball season is underway! We have two kickball practices a week until April and dance is on Thursday nights. When David is at work I'm pretty much losing my mind and I'm SO NERVOUS about going back to work full time. I have no idea how I'm going to juggle work and home and still have time and energy to stay on top of our marriage let alone "me time".

I guess you just figure it out and get through. I miss David terribly when he's at work or sleeping during the day. I will never forget these last few weeks we've spent together. It was kind of like a honeymoon. Life couldn't be better. We have two healthy, beautiful children and David and I are closer than ever. I just have to have faith that I will be able to handle all of my responsibilities and focus on enjoying life! I feel amazing, know how blessed I am and just have to keep things in perspective.

Yesterday was a much better day! DD was off but he slept until about 12:30. Cody and I visited with him in our bed and then we headed out to Cody's future daycare. We had already registered Cody at a Stepping Stone school near our house but had let them know we would be interested in getting on the waiting list for the McNeil Rd. location since they offer after school care and pick up from Emma's future Elementary school. Sure enough, I got a call a couple of days later that they had an infant spot open up. We visited the school, and registered Cody to start next week and Emma for the summer and after school care. It will cost a pretty penny- even more than we had prepared ourselves for, but we both feel really good about it!

Later that day we discovered that David had won $200 in a Lotto scratch off! Wahoo! We bought the bedding I had been looking at along with curtains etc. I'm excited at the prospect of a new look for our bedroom. I splurged and bought a Crate and Barrel comforter right before I met David so it's been four years since we've had something new. Last weekend we had just bought two new lamps for our nightstands and so far I'm loving them.

That just about sums up the last couple of days! Cody is doing amazing. Last Saturday I started laying him in his crib for naps and letting him tummy sleep. He is so strong and holds his head and lifts it side to side. Emma was an early tummy sleeper as well. We just use the monitors and check on him often. He is sleeping a lot less during the day but averaging 3-5 hours at night.