Catch All

Just a warning, this is not going to be one of my up-beat, life is perfect blog sessions. #1 it depresses me that I haven't sat still long enough to write in over a month. On a daily basis I think, "Ohhh, I can't wait to write about this..." but it never seems to happen. #2 I'm not feeling too hot today and #3 (and the main reason I'm forcing myself to write now) because it looks like David is going back to nights later this week.

Recently I made a big change to allow more of my time and energy to be devoted to my family. Mentally, I feel a lot better and definitely feel less conflicted as far as choosing how to manage my time. Emotionally, well that's another story; I'm not much of a quitter but you never really quit something you're passionate about. I know in my heart I made the decision God had in mind for me and my hard work and innovative ideas will be put to good use in the future.

With that being said, we have ourselves quite a healthy little routine (and by healthy I mean, I have not lost my mind yet). On David's days off he generally takes Cody to daycare and picks him up for me. Emma is right on my way in the mornings and after work so generally I always take her but sometimes David takes both of the kiddos. I enjoy a little extra time to get ready on these mornings and can run an errand after work or just get home earlier. Otherwise I drop off and pick up both chidren, get home in the evenings and immediately get going on dinner. If the children are playing nicely (either together or individually) I just let them be. If not, Cody sits in his highchair with a snack while I'm cooking and I'll get Emma started on homework at the kitchen table while I cook. Sometimes I have the kids fed before David gets home (between 6:45-7) and then it's bathtime, pajamas, reading etc. Cody winds up his evening by crawling up into Daddy's lap with his milk and Daddy "reads" him a book.

The reason for me listing all of that out is that every single part of the routine that we have come to know is about to change. I'm not afraid to say that I'm not "okay" with this part of being a police wife. Over the years I've gotten used to last minute OT, late nights, phone calls cut short, scary stories and more, but I've gotten numb to the idea that what David does is incredibly dangerous. When David first transitioned from being a bailiff at Williamson County to being a patrol officer in Bee Cave, we spent time getting to know the other officers and their families. One wife just laughed off my discomfort with over half of the year being spent on the night shift. She was great with the idea and particularly enjoys when her husband works OT because the "extra money is great." I could tell then that we weren't destined to be best friends. I am in love with my husband. I don't want nights out w/the girls, I enjoy doing things with David. So this part of his job and I just don't jive...and never will.

As of this month, David and I have been together 5 years, and I'm still not tired of him ;) This is David's career, in my humble opinion he's very good at what he does and I wouldn't want him doing anything else (ok, that might be a small lie) but it is what it is and we make the best of it. We have lunch together on his days off now and we generally do that a little more often when he's on nights. I can take a late lunch when he wakes up at 2 or so and can come home so that I feel like I have seen him. The children, on the other hand, will go two days without seeing him when he's on nights. The last time David worked the night shift we noticed definite changes in Cody's bahavior (and a little in Emma). It warms my heart when David walks in the door in the evening and Cody drops what he's doing and runs to him with his arms up.

Blah~ enough of that. Just a prologue to the melancholy entries to follow.

Cody, 15 months:

I cannot believe how quickly the last two years have gone by. Roughly this time two years ago we got pregnant. I have had crazy "baby fever" lately. Since we moved I had been going through all of the children's clothes and the tubs of Emma's things I had put up. I feel like she is growing up so fast. I keep saying 6 (she's 6 years old) and thinking...teen...6-teen. OMG. She's in school now and reading and so independent about so many things. Cody is fantastic, he is such a joy and a complete sweetheart, but Emma is something very special to me in a different way. Don't get me wrong, I love them both the same but Emma and I have a very special bond; we've been through a lot together, more than she knows. But I have to cherish everyday and know how blessed I am with two fantastic children. That is the only positive to David working the night shift. Although it's entirely overwhelming, I enjoy the closeness w/the kids when it's just the three of us.

Cody is saying and doing so many things. He waves and says "byebye", says more, "mo", "uhh" for up, "down" and of course mama, daddada, sisss, pawpaw. He also says baby, book, dog.