Yesterday was an extremely frustrating day for me. I was so worked up that I could hardly sit still. On more than one occasion I have cried for the children and families that I have gotten to know and grown to love who are fighting cancer. I learn the names and ages (and even the hobbies) of not only the child w/cancer but their siblings as well. I've gotten to know who does what, who likes what, their chemo schedules etc; they are literally a part of my life. I get frustrated because I wish I could do more. But I do what I can. Recently I read about little Wyatt from WA who is fighting stage 4 Neuroblastoma. The same diagnosis of Layla who inspired my participation with pediatric cancer research. Wyatt is 4 years old and his father is a fireman in the Air Force. So natuarlly, Wyatt idolizes all things fireman. We have many friends who are firemen or are connected to Fire Depts so I sent out a few messages. I am blessed with friends who are there when you call on them. Scott Wegner brought me a ton of goodies from Pflugerville FD, Round Rock FD and Perdenales FD. CoryLynn brought me the coolest, hugest commemorative patches from the Exxon Mobil refinery fire as well as a Kyle FD and Bertram FD patch. David's Aunt Julie, her sister Tina and David's step-mother Brenda have also jumped on the bandwagon and there will be lots of packages arriving on Wyatt's doorstep from Roswell, NM as well as about a half dozen agencies from central TX! I should also mention that David recruited his friends from Lake Travis and Hudson Bend FD's to donate patches, t-shirts, stickers and hats as well.
As I police wife I don't often get to look at firemen stuff (lol, that sounds suggestive but we'll go with it) let alone bring it in the house but this is an exception. I've found the cutest firemen figureines and accessories (his very own axe, hat, etc) and dalmation coloring books to send along w/our patches. I really hope it brings joy to Wyatt while he's inpatient for chemo right now.
I took a step back w/my involvement w/Battle4aCure but I realized I can't step away from these kids; I love them too much. If everyone stood up for what they believed in I think we'd have a much happier place to live in, or maybe there'd just be a lot more arguing. In this case, how could anyone be against a cure for cancer? I just can't fathom those (especially parents) that don't jump up and join in? But then again, I didn't get involved until last year and it was because I became attached to Layla, read day in and day out about her fight and fell in love with her precious sweet voice (thanks to Mommy and Daddy's videos). Layla earned her angel wings in April 2010 and I look at her picture in my bathroom everyday. Layla's story made me appreciate my children more, made me worry less and love more.
So just when I'm feeling like wanting to hit something or someone to get them to PAY ATTENTION because YOUR CHILD could be next, I get a text message from Scott (the same one from above) asking me to check out this link: http://https//www.austinovertheedge.com/scott_wegner/
Scott decided to see what ELSE he could do for children battling life-threatening diseases! How amazing is that! Now if I could just inspire someone who happens to have the CURE in their back pocket.
I just gotta keep moving forward and recognizing the blessings that are in front of my face. Thank you God for my supportive husband, family and sweet friends who do what they can when they can! I don't mean to make any of you feel un-appreciated, I just see those that could be of so much help, but choose not to. Untapped talent! Stay tuned for a CureSearch Kickball tournament and of course the CureSearch Walk on September 24th!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Legion Movie Review
David and I watched a movie recently that stirred up a lot of emotions about God. Legion, starring the poet guy from A Knight's Tale (Paul Bettany) is definitley no romantic comedy like AKT. If you liked The Book of Eli, you would probably enjoy Legion though it is a little scarier in my opinion. In case anyone reading this (does anyone read this?) might like to watch Legion, I won't give the plot away. But basically the angel Michael comes to Earth to save mankind.
While I would definitely classify it as fiction or a biblical "myth," the movie opened my eyes as to the possibilities of God's mightyness. I think I'm probably not alone in the fact that I often think of heaven as fluffy clouds, golden gates, beautiful angels and well...paradise. But when God loses faith in mankind, it's very unsettling to think what he can unleash upon the Earth to save us from ourselves. I am a wuss when it comes to scary movies so there were definitley parts where I peeked through my hands covering my eyes, but I couldn't stop watching.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wait and See
With David's career, I constantly find myself in a "wait and see mode." I can't even imagine what it'd be like to be a military wife. Thank GOODNESS David was in the Navy many years before we met and got that over with! In fact, when David enlisted in 1996 I was only 12 :) Anyway, in a previous entry I was lamenting the upcoming shift-change. To my delight, David actually remained on the day shift. So he works 6AM-6PM and with any luck is home by 6:45 or so. I look forward to the day he works M-F 8-5 again, but for now we are so thankful to be gainfully employed and I am SO GRATEFUL that he's home with us every night.
We have been having so much fun getting settled into our new house. Even though we haven't bought it yet and are renting, we definitely feel like we've put down some roots. We spent two months taking down wallpaper, painting, ripping up and replacing carpet. Phase 2 is almost complete. I had the bright idea to invite friends over for a little house-warming get together. One of the reasons David sold me on this house is the possibilities for entertaining friends and family. The large living room and spacious backyard are ideal for having people over. This Saturday we're expecting ~25 friends to come over for fajitas. I'm excited! I'm also happy w/my plan because we've finally gotten things hung on the walls, and we've been working in the yard. After the kids go to bed David and I go outside and continue working. I definitely enjoy it more than David but I know he likes how it looks. We raked up 6 months worth of leaves and dead grass, put down fertilizer and I've planted an array of plants, flowers and even a few fruits and vegetables. I'm having a great time with it and find it to be great exercising and a peaceful way to wind-down at the end of the day.
If there's any growth to report as far as the veggies, I'll definitely post pictures but I'm not getting my hopes up. Emma and I cleared out a bed in the backyard and planted two types of green beans (our family favorite veggie), cucumbers, tomatos, cilantro (my go-to herb in mexican food), and strawberries. I also have zennias to plant and have already planted, daylilies, hydrangeas, salvias and one other which name escapes me. It's been really, really hard work. We have 9 lawn and leaf bags at the curb today for pick up and David's entire truck bed was filled with palm branches that we trimmed. We've been watering religiously for a few weeks now so fingers crossed that the "rough patches" fill in soon! I think the backyard is especially looking nice. The grass back there is so lush and green, and everything looks so nice w/the freshly-stained picnic table and playscape. I need some sort of lounge chair so I can lay out while the kids are playing. Emma wants to go outstide every night which is great! If we don't have errands after work/school, the four of us all go out and play. The weather has been so beautiful!
Last week my great-aunt passed away. Margie Christie, AKA Aunt Sissy, is my mom's Aunt and Granny's sister. Many on her side of the family live in the Caldwell/Bryan area and it's just a shame we don't see them more often. I am thankful for Aunt Sissy's sweet welcoming nature and am thankful she is with our Lord and no longer suffering. I continue to pray for her daughters, grandchildren and great-granddaughters. A couple of weeks ago we traveled to Roswell, NM for David's grandmother's funeral. I have had enough funerals for a while :( I have trained myself over the last three years to not think about how dangerous David's job is. How with every answer of the radio, every alarm call, every traffic enforcement he is putting himself in harm's way. I couldn't live without David. I would do my best to take care of our children, but I've told him before that if anything ever happened there's no way I'd re-marry. David is truly the man God intended for me and nothing and no one could come close to what we have. But I have to trust him. I know that he's very good at what he does; he has a good head on his shoulders and makes good decisions. I also believe (and he's always told me) that all he has on his mind everyday is coming home to us.
We have been having so much fun getting settled into our new house. Even though we haven't bought it yet and are renting, we definitely feel like we've put down some roots. We spent two months taking down wallpaper, painting, ripping up and replacing carpet. Phase 2 is almost complete. I had the bright idea to invite friends over for a little house-warming get together. One of the reasons David sold me on this house is the possibilities for entertaining friends and family. The large living room and spacious backyard are ideal for having people over. This Saturday we're expecting ~25 friends to come over for fajitas. I'm excited! I'm also happy w/my plan because we've finally gotten things hung on the walls, and we've been working in the yard. After the kids go to bed David and I go outside and continue working. I definitely enjoy it more than David but I know he likes how it looks. We raked up 6 months worth of leaves and dead grass, put down fertilizer and I've planted an array of plants, flowers and even a few fruits and vegetables. I'm having a great time with it and find it to be great exercising and a peaceful way to wind-down at the end of the day.
If there's any growth to report as far as the veggies, I'll definitely post pictures but I'm not getting my hopes up. Emma and I cleared out a bed in the backyard and planted two types of green beans (our family favorite veggie), cucumbers, tomatos, cilantro (my go-to herb in mexican food), and strawberries. I also have zennias to plant and have already planted, daylilies, hydrangeas, salvias and one other which name escapes me. It's been really, really hard work. We have 9 lawn and leaf bags at the curb today for pick up and David's entire truck bed was filled with palm branches that we trimmed. We've been watering religiously for a few weeks now so fingers crossed that the "rough patches" fill in soon! I think the backyard is especially looking nice. The grass back there is so lush and green, and everything looks so nice w/the freshly-stained picnic table and playscape. I need some sort of lounge chair so I can lay out while the kids are playing. Emma wants to go outstide every night which is great! If we don't have errands after work/school, the four of us all go out and play. The weather has been so beautiful!
Last week my great-aunt passed away. Margie Christie, AKA Aunt Sissy, is my mom's Aunt and Granny's sister. Many on her side of the family live in the Caldwell/Bryan area and it's just a shame we don't see them more often. I am thankful for Aunt Sissy's sweet welcoming nature and am thankful she is with our Lord and no longer suffering. I continue to pray for her daughters, grandchildren and great-granddaughters. A couple of weeks ago we traveled to Roswell, NM for David's grandmother's funeral. I have had enough funerals for a while :( I have trained myself over the last three years to not think about how dangerous David's job is. How with every answer of the radio, every alarm call, every traffic enforcement he is putting himself in harm's way. I couldn't live without David. I would do my best to take care of our children, but I've told him before that if anything ever happened there's no way I'd re-marry. David is truly the man God intended for me and nothing and no one could come close to what we have. But I have to trust him. I know that he's very good at what he does; he has a good head on his shoulders and makes good decisions. I also believe (and he's always told me) that all he has on his mind everyday is coming home to us.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
It's Not Just Me
In my brain I know I'm not alone. And no, I don't mean the voices. :) But sometimes it's nice to know in your heart that you're not alone in the way you think and feel.
At 9PM on May 1st, David and I were enjoying our Sunday night routine. The children were sleeping and we were folding laundry, ok actually I was folding laundry and he was either working on his fantasy baseball team or playing Words With Friends, but in fairness David does the laundry and I fold it. Anyway we were relaxing and had just sat down to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I checked something on my phone and saw via a Facebook post that President Obama would be making an announcment at 10:30ET. I asked David if he had heard anything and we immediately began surfing the internet and news channels. Because obviously this was important for the President to be breaking in late on a Sunday evening.
10:30ET came and went and it wasn't long before I saw posts on Facebook claiming that the announcement was the Osama Bin Laden was dead. We heard the news first on CNN and FINALLY when the President came on. My first reaction was, "Good!" quickly followed by fear and wondering "What's next?" in contrast to my husband's thoughts which immediatley went to bringing our troops home.
It was amazing to watch the crowds begin to gather in front of the white house. It was one of those times you see somewhere you've visited but it looks so different at that juncture.
Eventually it started to sink in that, for the moment, everything is ok. No buildings were crashing down and life was going on. While that made me feel a bit better, I still struggled to understand the masses that were gathering to celebrate. I observed how David was reacting, but we both sat quietly and took it all in. I called my father who was in Houston helping his sister and father prepare for my grandfather's pacemaker replacement surgery the next morning. Sure enough they were out eating a late dinner and not tuned in to Fox News (that would come later.) Since my mom was home alone I called her to make sure she was watching.
Even as I'm writing this now it's a struggle to find the words. That instantaneous argument you have with yourself, "Is there something wrong w/me that I'm not rejoicing with my neighbors?" David and I continued with what we were doing. We finished watching celebrity apprentice and were annoyed that we had to google who was fired because the broadcast was interrupted. We stayed up late watching reporters weigh in and found ourselves not going to bed until after 12:30AM.
The next day I was still bewildered at the racy comments, photos and insights all celebrating Osama's death littering my Facebook feed. But, I'm not the only one:
My SIL shared this link (http://http//thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/05/02/how-should-christians-think-about-the-death-of-osama-bin-laden/) and I enjoyed reading it and the one below.
http://www.dennyburk.com/some-thoughts-on-the-death-of-bin-laden/
Both sources offer thoughts to ponder how Christians are handling the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Before I go any further let me offer this, I am a proud American and have not forgotten the horror I witnessed live on 9/11. I want nothing more than a safe, free, prosperous and God-fearing America where we can raise our families in peace. I'm also human. I want justice. I want to put an end to terrorism and am incredibly thankful for the brave men and women and their families who sacrifice so much so that I can sit here and write about my ambiguous response to such a glorious display of bravery.
At 9PM on May 1st, David and I were enjoying our Sunday night routine. The children were sleeping and we were folding laundry, ok actually I was folding laundry and he was either working on his fantasy baseball team or playing Words With Friends, but in fairness David does the laundry and I fold it. Anyway we were relaxing and had just sat down to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I checked something on my phone and saw via a Facebook post that President Obama would be making an announcment at 10:30ET. I asked David if he had heard anything and we immediately began surfing the internet and news channels. Because obviously this was important for the President to be breaking in late on a Sunday evening.
10:30ET came and went and it wasn't long before I saw posts on Facebook claiming that the announcement was the Osama Bin Laden was dead. We heard the news first on CNN and FINALLY when the President came on. My first reaction was, "Good!" quickly followed by fear and wondering "What's next?" in contrast to my husband's thoughts which immediatley went to bringing our troops home.
It was amazing to watch the crowds begin to gather in front of the white house. It was one of those times you see somewhere you've visited but it looks so different at that juncture.
Eventually it started to sink in that, for the moment, everything is ok. No buildings were crashing down and life was going on. While that made me feel a bit better, I still struggled to understand the masses that were gathering to celebrate. I observed how David was reacting, but we both sat quietly and took it all in. I called my father who was in Houston helping his sister and father prepare for my grandfather's pacemaker replacement surgery the next morning. Sure enough they were out eating a late dinner and not tuned in to Fox News (that would come later.) Since my mom was home alone I called her to make sure she was watching.
Even as I'm writing this now it's a struggle to find the words. That instantaneous argument you have with yourself, "Is there something wrong w/me that I'm not rejoicing with my neighbors?" David and I continued with what we were doing. We finished watching celebrity apprentice and were annoyed that we had to google who was fired because the broadcast was interrupted. We stayed up late watching reporters weigh in and found ourselves not going to bed until after 12:30AM.
The next day I was still bewildered at the racy comments, photos and insights all celebrating Osama's death littering my Facebook feed. But, I'm not the only one:
My SIL shared this link (http://http//thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/05/02/how-should-christians-think-about-the-death-of-osama-bin-laden/) and I enjoyed reading it and the one below.
http://www.dennyburk.com/some-thoughts-on-the-death-of-bin-laden/
Both sources offer thoughts to ponder how Christians are handling the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Before I go any further let me offer this, I am a proud American and have not forgotten the horror I witnessed live on 9/11. I want nothing more than a safe, free, prosperous and God-fearing America where we can raise our families in peace. I'm also human. I want justice. I want to put an end to terrorism and am incredibly thankful for the brave men and women and their families who sacrifice so much so that I can sit here and write about my ambiguous response to such a glorious display of bravery.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Catch All
Just a warning, this is not going to be one of my up-beat, life is perfect blog sessions. #1 it depresses me that I haven't sat still long enough to write in over a month. On a daily basis I think, "Ohhh, I can't wait to write about this..." but it never seems to happen. #2 I'm not feeling too hot today and #3 (and the main reason I'm forcing myself to write now) because it looks like David is going back to nights later this week.
Recently I made a big change to allow more of my time and energy to be devoted to my family. Mentally, I feel a lot better and definitely feel less conflicted as far as choosing how to manage my time. Emotionally, well that's another story; I'm not much of a quitter but you never really quit something you're passionate about. I know in my heart I made the decision God had in mind for me and my hard work and innovative ideas will be put to good use in the future.
With that being said, we have ourselves quite a healthy little routine (and by healthy I mean, I have not lost my mind yet). On David's days off he generally takes Cody to daycare and picks him up for me. Emma is right on my way in the mornings and after work so generally I always take her but sometimes David takes both of the kiddos. I enjoy a little extra time to get ready on these mornings and can run an errand after work or just get home earlier. Otherwise I drop off and pick up both chidren, get home in the evenings and immediately get going on dinner. If the children are playing nicely (either together or individually) I just let them be. If not, Cody sits in his highchair with a snack while I'm cooking and I'll get Emma started on homework at the kitchen table while I cook. Sometimes I have the kids fed before David gets home (between 6:45-7) and then it's bathtime, pajamas, reading etc. Cody winds up his evening by crawling up into Daddy's lap with his milk and Daddy "reads" him a book.
The reason for me listing all of that out is that every single part of the routine that we have come to know is about to change. I'm not afraid to say that I'm not "okay" with this part of being a police wife. Over the years I've gotten used to last minute OT, late nights, phone calls cut short, scary stories and more, but I've gotten numb to the idea that what David does is incredibly dangerous. When David first transitioned from being a bailiff at Williamson County to being a patrol officer in Bee Cave, we spent time getting to know the other officers and their families. One wife just laughed off my discomfort with over half of the year being spent on the night shift. She was great with the idea and particularly enjoys when her husband works OT because the "extra money is great." I could tell then that we weren't destined to be best friends. I am in love with my husband. I don't want nights out w/the girls, I enjoy doing things with David. So this part of his job and I just don't jive...and never will.
As of this month, David and I have been together 5 years, and I'm still not tired of him ;) This is David's career, in my humble opinion he's very good at what he does and I wouldn't want him doing anything else (ok, that might be a small lie) but it is what it is and we make the best of it. We have lunch together on his days off now and we generally do that a little more often when he's on nights. I can take a late lunch when he wakes up at 2 or so and can come home so that I feel like I have seen him. The children, on the other hand, will go two days without seeing him when he's on nights. The last time David worked the night shift we noticed definite changes in Cody's bahavior (and a little in Emma). It warms my heart when David walks in the door in the evening and Cody drops what he's doing and runs to him with his arms up.
Blah~ enough of that. Just a prologue to the melancholy entries to follow.
Cody, 15 months:
I cannot believe how quickly the last two years have gone by. Roughly this time two years ago we got pregnant. I have had crazy "baby fever" lately. Since we moved I had been going through all of the children's clothes and the tubs of Emma's things I had put up. I feel like she is growing up so fast. I keep saying 6 (she's 6 years old) and thinking...teen...6-teen. OMG. She's in school now and reading and so independent about so many things. Cody is fantastic, he is such a joy and a complete sweetheart, but Emma is something very special to me in a different way. Don't get me wrong, I love them both the same but Emma and I have a very special bond; we've been through a lot together, more than she knows. But I have to cherish everyday and know how blessed I am with two fantastic children. That is the only positive to David working the night shift. Although it's entirely overwhelming, I enjoy the closeness w/the kids when it's just the three of us.
Cody is saying and doing so many things. He waves and says "byebye", says more, "mo", "uhh" for up, "down" and of course mama, daddada, sisss, pawpaw. He also says baby, book, dog.
Recently I made a big change to allow more of my time and energy to be devoted to my family. Mentally, I feel a lot better and definitely feel less conflicted as far as choosing how to manage my time. Emotionally, well that's another story; I'm not much of a quitter but you never really quit something you're passionate about. I know in my heart I made the decision God had in mind for me and my hard work and innovative ideas will be put to good use in the future.
With that being said, we have ourselves quite a healthy little routine (and by healthy I mean, I have not lost my mind yet). On David's days off he generally takes Cody to daycare and picks him up for me. Emma is right on my way in the mornings and after work so generally I always take her but sometimes David takes both of the kiddos. I enjoy a little extra time to get ready on these mornings and can run an errand after work or just get home earlier. Otherwise I drop off and pick up both chidren, get home in the evenings and immediately get going on dinner. If the children are playing nicely (either together or individually) I just let them be. If not, Cody sits in his highchair with a snack while I'm cooking and I'll get Emma started on homework at the kitchen table while I cook. Sometimes I have the kids fed before David gets home (between 6:45-7) and then it's bathtime, pajamas, reading etc. Cody winds up his evening by crawling up into Daddy's lap with his milk and Daddy "reads" him a book.
The reason for me listing all of that out is that every single part of the routine that we have come to know is about to change. I'm not afraid to say that I'm not "okay" with this part of being a police wife. Over the years I've gotten used to last minute OT, late nights, phone calls cut short, scary stories and more, but I've gotten numb to the idea that what David does is incredibly dangerous. When David first transitioned from being a bailiff at Williamson County to being a patrol officer in Bee Cave, we spent time getting to know the other officers and their families. One wife just laughed off my discomfort with over half of the year being spent on the night shift. She was great with the idea and particularly enjoys when her husband works OT because the "extra money is great." I could tell then that we weren't destined to be best friends. I am in love with my husband. I don't want nights out w/the girls, I enjoy doing things with David. So this part of his job and I just don't jive...and never will.
As of this month, David and I have been together 5 years, and I'm still not tired of him ;) This is David's career, in my humble opinion he's very good at what he does and I wouldn't want him doing anything else (ok, that might be a small lie) but it is what it is and we make the best of it. We have lunch together on his days off now and we generally do that a little more often when he's on nights. I can take a late lunch when he wakes up at 2 or so and can come home so that I feel like I have seen him. The children, on the other hand, will go two days without seeing him when he's on nights. The last time David worked the night shift we noticed definite changes in Cody's bahavior (and a little in Emma). It warms my heart when David walks in the door in the evening and Cody drops what he's doing and runs to him with his arms up.
Blah~ enough of that. Just a prologue to the melancholy entries to follow.
Cody, 15 months:
I cannot believe how quickly the last two years have gone by. Roughly this time two years ago we got pregnant. I have had crazy "baby fever" lately. Since we moved I had been going through all of the children's clothes and the tubs of Emma's things I had put up. I feel like she is growing up so fast. I keep saying 6 (she's 6 years old) and thinking...teen...6-teen. OMG. She's in school now and reading and so independent about so many things. Cody is fantastic, he is such a joy and a complete sweetheart, but Emma is something very special to me in a different way. Don't get me wrong, I love them both the same but Emma and I have a very special bond; we've been through a lot together, more than she knows. But I have to cherish everyday and know how blessed I am with two fantastic children. That is the only positive to David working the night shift. Although it's entirely overwhelming, I enjoy the closeness w/the kids when it's just the three of us.
Cody is saying and doing so many things. He waves and says "byebye", says more, "mo", "uhh" for up, "down" and of course mama, daddada, sisss, pawpaw. He also says baby, book, dog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
