Two-fer

This is sort of a two-for-one blog. Enjoy!

As I was listening to an "Elton John Station" on Pandora, the song : "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" came on.

"Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me, I could honestly say
That things can only get better

And while I'm away
Dust out the demons inside
and it won't be long before you and me run
To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder, under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man

Wait on me, girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than I love life itself

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder, under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues"

Since David is still on nights, this song kind of got to me. I've heard it a million times and I'm probably interpreting some of it differently than you might, but it's just that kind of song; it will stand the test of time. Just like our marriage will!

Part Deux...

This morning when I got to work there was an email in my in-box from David. I quickly deleted the junk mail and got to the good stuff! I got excited you see because when David e-mails me (pretty infrequently) it's usually some piece of memorabilia that he's got his eye on (I thrive on these because he is hard to shop for!) or an article he wants me to read, etc. I suppose this morning's e-mail fits into that second category.

Law Officer Magazine Volume 6 Issue 5

Put Your Partner First

A stable home life will make you a better police officer

DEAR BULLETHEAD:

This isn’t a complaint or a question, just an observation. My first partner got some bad news: She has cancer.

She’s been my partner since before I became a cop—more than 27 years. She’s put up with the lousy pay, the lousy shifts and the other not-so-nice parts of law enforcement careers. Sometimes she’s complained but, when all is considered, not that much. She’s probably complained less than me.

I’ve awakened to my partner washing blood out of my hair, as I lay in a hospital bed following an incident where I rode on the hood of a punk’s car after he ran me down. This was one of several trips to the ER she’s made over the years. She’s always been there for me. As she starts this battle, I’m determined to be there for her. This means taking some time off and postponing some training I scheduled for later this year. I’m catching some flak at work over this, but I have the time coming, so I’m taking it. Just as I wouldn’t abandon a partner on the street, I can’t abandon her now.

This might not be your typical letter, but I felt like venting to someone that might understand where this old cop is coming from.

—Concerned

Dear Concerned,
Thanks for your letter. On the one hand, I feel both great sorrow and respect for you and your partner. Surviving inside of our profession for that long while maintaining a marriage is amazing. Many of us don’t pick our significant others well enough to find someone who can put up with the things you described and the hundreds of other cop-related issues we all know exist.

There’s a hell of a lesson there for you youngsters. A beautiful partner is important, but you need to find someone who has the tolerance and constitution to put up with this career. Any long-term relationship is difficult, but you add in shift work, call outs, organizational and street-related stress and good ol’ hypervigilance, and you have the recipe for a disastrous married life. A stable home life will make you a better cop and give you a more productive and rewarding career.

Ol’ Bullethead can’t even count the number of hardworking young police officers I’ve seen turn into disgruntled, lazy, useless cops after their marriage fell apart. Some blame the job, some blame the person. However, if they picked better, they would’ve had a shot at keeping their families together.

We need to do more to educate ourselves about the effects this career has on our relationships, personalities and psyches. We can turn into John Adams and not even realize it. Ol’ Bullethead is lucky because Mrs. Bullethead isn’t afraid of putting her boot into my rear end when I need a little shove in the right direction—and she’s hot! Hey, I’m Bullethead—what were you expecting?

On the other hand, your department is turning my stomach. Think about this: If you rolled by a person in distress on duty and didn’t help, you’d end up with your butt in a sling. The clowns at your agency are giving you a hard time for doing what they’d expect you to do on duty. I don’t think there’s a publishable word that describes how wrong that is. What makes me even more angry is that my department would likely treat me the same.

Let’s be honest. It’s an industry-wide problem. At my agency, they pretend to be better. I remember one young cop who flew to the hospital in his unit because his son had to go in for something. The watch commander was supportive for about an hour. Then, he called the young cop up and started screaming about getting the unit back. On that day, that lieutenant took a hard-working cop and made him an enemy of the department. He also negatively affected every one of us who heard that story.

Ol’ Bullethead wasn’t working that day. Had I been, I would’ve been busted to civilian when I jumped over the desk and shoved the phone up that WC’s tail. That moron would still be trying to get it out, and it just might have been worth it. I don’t know how to fix this except by not doing it and trying to influence others.

I’d like to swing by your department with my baton and change some minds, but that won’t help you or your partner. Brother, you’ve been doing the right thing on the job for more than 27 years, and you’re doing the right thing now. Take care of your lady!

--------------------------------

I think he was telling me something. :) I know David would do anything to take care of me and the kids- he already is! David and I try to keep things in perspective. It took us a while and honestly I think the final step was having Cody. Nothing else matters! Nothing. Else. Matters. Jobs, cars, houses etc. We have each other. Our marriage HAS to come first for us, our kiddos and all the other things we'd like to be. Glad to be his #1!

When we were dating David was in his second year at Williamson County Sheriff's Dept. as a bailiff for one of the WilCo judges. Monday through Friday 8-5 baby! He would come over to my house and we'd cook together and spend all evening together. After we officially moved in together David was hired at Bee Cave and thus began our turn on the night shift. I know it could be worse. It could be a lot worse. Departments who work 10 hr shifts don't get every other weekend off and David does at BCPD. Looking back those first couple of years when I just had Emma to take care of, seem like a vacation now!

I missed David so much when he was on nights (in the beginning) that I would cry so hard I'd almost make myself sick. I know. Seems silly. But for me it was the realization that it's going to be this way for a loooooong time. This is his career. But I signed up for this when I fell in love with David. It is what it is. But when we'd have "talks" about it I remember always saying I felt like I was #2. That his job came first. He argued with me about that, but now I think I get it. Sometimes, his job has to be the priority. It's life and death he's dealing with and he's got to have his head on straight. Which means when he knows I'm at home falling apart he can't do his job and I would have to remedy that.

I can be strong. I've proven time and time again that I am a strong person. The personal hell I went through about five years ago, throwing up for half of the year last year and now I have two beautiful children who make me proud everyday! I'm proud of our marriage and in retrospect see how much I've grown and how much growing up I still have ahead of me.

David isn't a man of many words, but he finds ways to tell me and show me that I am and always have been his #1.